It’s supposed to be exactly like First Wives’ Club, where Goldie Hawn loses 30 pounds and takes all of his money and rises to stardom while the husband eats cold pasta because his too young for him wife can’t cook and then he gets an ulcer and has that gross thing where the stomach fat hangs over his belt like like a sad Panda. Thank you all for supporting me, showing me how very different we are …and how important those differences are.I am divorced, so with that comes some sort of weird socialized thing to A, hate your ex, and B, believe that anytime you see your ex, you’re supposed to be doing better than your ex. Monday I’ll be on the road … and my life gets a second chance at happiness. That way I’m not losing who I am, and I can still share with people. I want to turn my house into a nursery so I have a safe space and then maybe I can have people visit me who would like to experience what’s its like to have a little of their own. My goals are to get myself stable again … and live in gratitude. Sometimes retracing your steps can help you find the missing pieces you overlooked along the way. I have to be strong and push forward… even if it feels like I going backwards. I’m ready for what ever may come into my life but I won’t wait around for someone to save me. Theres more to my littleside then just diapers, Anyone who’s spent time with me knows this already. I may end up living on a couch for all I know or worse. I may never find the daddy or mommy im looking for. I’ll pick up where I left off and rebuild myself in my image. I won’t reach out for help, pled for sympathy. But in order for me to be happy and post my good moments, I need to get through the bad and uncomfortable ones too. I know not a whole lot of you will read this and I understand… thats not why you come here. I’m tired of being lectured and teased for things i enjoy. The number one thing people say about me is “oh you’re strong, you’ll be fine” little do they know ive had to always be strong … im so tried of being strong … I wanted to be vulnerable… and at peace. I put my whole heart into whatever I do… so when I make a mistake or need to correct my course… I do so and don’t look back. I just really wanted it to work out because do love the man im with. I learned back before my birthday I didn’t belong here. I feel sick because of the circumstances… but in all honesty… I knew this was gonna happen. I may seem strong right now, but that’s far from true Even writing this… Im super emotional. I’ll try to keep you all updated occasionally. but I did it once, im sure I can do it again. The amount of work involved seems almost impossible at this point. but since i still have a house… it seems only logical. The beauty of the mountains, sunset on the ocean… and some of its dark underbelly. I have seen more of this world then I ever have before. i felt like my entire world was against me. I know the happiest I’ve been was when I was living my 100% authentic self, I didn’t have stability or money…but I knew who I was and what direction I wanted to go. Some people seek money, fame and luxury in life, a family or a career… all I really want is to be held in someone’s arms who understands me, I want to participate in things they enjoy and would like them to do the same with me. Theres a side of me that’s pure innocence.
I can lash out when I’m in pain … im not perfect by any means… but I do realize how special I am. It still slips out once and awhile though… ive never I wanted to drag anyone down because I’m down. I try to use this blog to share only the good, and keep the negative where it belongs… in the past. It’s sad, it’s hard … but its necessary for me to grow and be happy.
#CLOUDPLAY TUMBLR FREE#
I’m a free spirit… and there’s a lifestyle I’m in search of… if I cannot have it. I don’t want to force something or stay where I can’t be myself. I will say that so much good has happened down here… ive met someone who treated me better then my own family… but without a genuine romantic connection…. It’s hot in summer I get that, but summer seems to be 6 months long here. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for many reasons, diapers are so important to me… and the heat and humidity makes it almost impossible to wear 24/7. So after 8 months in Florida… ive decided to head back up north.
0 kommentar(er)
